Wednesday, August 10, 2011

An essay that will never be read

This afraidness is killing me slowly. Gosh!
Why should i keep feeling afraid like this? If he knows that i'm still being like this,dead me.
People's words had still banging in my head

"U're in a right decision,bel. Its just him who took a wrong step" -Faki

"It's a trouble. Why girls always thinking too far?" -Lano

"Show him that u're a right person to be choose,bel. Don't lie to ur feeling. Youre not suppose to break that up" -Nurul

and many more.
Much of them were got annoyed when i talked about this. Oh wae?
I see. It's my fault. I'm accept that and im sorry for being like this :(
And now? We're back together. God bless us o:)

But till now, i cant lose this afraidness. Its too much to be erased.
maybe in front of you, me looks so-like-didnt-care-to-you but actually, i'm always watching you. Watching every single inch of ur body gesture. Watching every single things that you do.
I'm trying to understand you as best as i can. Sorry,if i'm showing it with the way that you dont like.

But, as you know. I'm being like this because i love you. I'm not in different preception with yours. Once again, I love you too.

I know that youre not asking me for a change but youre never saying "I'm accept you just the way you are" too.

So from now, I'll try harder to lose my ego as much as i can. Trying to always thinking in a positive way and trying to prove that i'm better than her ;)
I'm not your wrong decision. I'm not your wrong steps. InsyaAllah, I'm a gift to you.

And did you know? I'm always wanna have a brave to talk to you eye to eye. Say i'm sorry because had being so unstabilized teenager like this, Had never think twice, Had being so childish and you know, Selfish.

Last, i wanna say "This is who i am, Please help me to erase this fearness. Please cheer and support me whatever it takes and I'll do the same to you. I love you". A simple, right? But its never could come out from my lips. Poor me.

An essay that will never be read,

xoxo, Bella Andinuari :')

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